The Contamination of Guilt and Shame

My how times flies! It's been a week and I'm just now getting back to addressing the toxic emotions previously mentioned. Let's start with the contamination of guilt and shame.

Guilt is the feeling of self-reproach when we have done something wrong. The trouble is, guilt can infect us so pervasively that we can feel it's mark whether we really should or not. For example, we feel guilty for spending too much time at the gym and we feel guilty for not spending enough time at the gym. We feel guilty for getting mad at the kids, we feel guilty for letting them off the hook. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Shame arises from a wrong someone else has done to us. It is often linked to painful memories of past. Both guilt and shame have the ability to make us feel worthless, hopeless and even sometimes helpless. And both can create an endless circle of disappointment in ourselves.

Best way to detoxify guilt and shame is to understand the difference between true and false guilt. True guilt is a function of your conscience necessary for healthy living. When we violate a promise or vow, or choose to live below a standard we have willfully agreed to live by, we experience true guilt. That's a good thing. False guilt happens when we feel guilty about something we never subscribed to in the first place, or feel guilty because of someone else's standard imposed upon us or when we expect something of ourselves that is realistically unattainable.

What a difference a healthy conscience can make!

Back to elaineolson.org